About three years ago, I began having nightmares about my dad passing away. I would wake up in cold sweats & think man, thank God this was just a dream. At that time I promised myself I would try to be a better son and try to be more loving and caring towards my dad. I knew these nightmares would someday soon become a reality. Looking back from my now shattered existence I thank God, I did what I did and made the last few years of my relationship with my dad as fun & loving as possible.
Shortly after the nightmares started I got married to Angela, the love of my life. It seemed as though I was still on my honeymoon when my dad called and asked if Ang was pregnant yet. He really wanted to be a grand pop. I knew this and tried to explain we were so not financially ready. My father wanted a grandchild so bad he told me he would buy us a house the minute she was pregnant.
It is now 3 years later, and since February 12, 2006 I have had to go through life without my father. I really feel as though I have not yet mourned his loss, he was not only my dad, but my closest friend, hunting partner, role model etc. If it weren't for Angela my Wife, Meghan my Baby, & Ron ,My Best Friend, or the "Dego down the street" as my dad called him I don't know how I would have made it this far.
As I sit and write this I think of the times we spent together, in the woods, on the ocean, and in a hotel or two as roommates for Deer Camp. I think way back to a time when I was 15 or so and we were up on old Steely's Farm off of 611 hunting dove. I remember me bitching and complaining I wanted to leave, I wanted to go home so I could hang out with my friends, I remember he said something to me, which has always stuck with me, and today finally makes sense. he said, "One day you will want to be here, one day when you are older and more mature you will understand why you come out here and spend some of your free time in the great outdoors." After the nightmares started I thought I had finally understood my dad. I thought it was all about the relief of stress from work, family, & city life. I found that when I spent time out there with my dad that all of that seemed to somehow go away. Today I realize that this was only part of the reason to spend time out in mother nature. The second reason and probably the most important one was that when my dad went hunting or fishing he felt closer to his older brother Charles who had passed away a decade or so ago. They were hunting partners, and since he was left on this earth to mourn his brothers death, he felt close to him when he was out in the woods. I can tell you that my father was my only hunting partner, and I now understand why I feel the woods calling me. The outdoors will be a place I can go and still feel as though I am with my father.
I know time will partially heel these feelings of pain and sadness, but I don't want it to, I want to actually morn the loss of the man who taught me to be a man, the man who introduced me to the woods, the man who put me through college, the man who sacrificed to make sure that I always had whatever I needed, & the man who sat in the background and worked his ass off to make me who I am today. My dad, my friend, my hunting partner I will miss you, Meghan & Ang will miss you, Mommy is missing you, But as you would want, we will go on, I will provide for us as you did for the past 66 years, and you will never be forgotten.
FOWLER, JAMES SAMUEL JR.
Suddenly Feb. 12, 2006; beloved husband of Carol (nee Simpson), devoted father of James Samuel III and his wife Angela, grand pop of Meghan; dear son of Margaret and the late James Samuel Sr., brother of Jane, Michael and Dennis Fowler, Margaret Neill and the late Charles Fowler; also survived by numerous nieces and nephews. Relatives and friends are invited to his Funeral, Friday 8:30 A.M. BURNS FUNERAL HOME, 9708 Frankford Ave. (So. of Grant Ave.); followed by his Mass of Christian Burial 10 A.M. Our Lady of Calvary Church. Interment Private. Viewing Thursday eve 7 to 9 P.M. In lieu of flowers, Mass Cards are preferred.
Published in the Philadelphia Inquirer & Philadelphia Daily News on 2/15/2006.
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